Pacquaio vs. Wolverine

This weekend played host to two media events of significance to males aged 15-35. The first, many contend, was over too soon, the second, personally, took two hours too long. Both included lots of rock'em sock'em action, the old-school nitty-gritty... blood, sweat and...

Ahurm. First was the Pacquia-Hatton fight. The big one. I love Pacquiao fights, because when he's on, I can turn off my TV, go out for a nice relaxing drive and lunch, and not have to put up with annoying crowds and traffic. It's not that I'm not interested in the fight, far from it, but I don't have pay-per-view, and listening to the fight on the radio is never as satisfying as watching the replay that inevitably comes on when I get home, so, at the very moment "The Hitman" hits the canvas for the third and final time, I'm in the shoe section of the department store.

The buzz of conversation, even here, where salespeople are thicker than shoppers (yes, the fight really does thin out weekend crowds, even on a payday weekend), is Manny, Manny, Manny. The Pac-Man is the Philippine equivalent of Elvis, though you wouldn't play his music at your wedding. And while Manny's philanthropic sprees don't quite match Elvis's Cadillac giveaways... they come close.

To be fair, though, Elvis really isn't all that great an actor, either, and he's definitely no action hero. Manny, on the other hand, has beaten the best of the world, and has beaten them so badly it seems like they aren't even trying. Even then, life in the Philippines comes to a stand-still every time he knocks another hapless foreigner out cold.

The sight of Manny standing triumphantly erect over the flaccid, pale body of the British hometown hero probably has some historical or symbological significane, but to many fans, it simply means that he's proven that he's "it". No longer can you question whether he can fight at this weight class (dela Hoya was visibly over-the-hill in that last fight), but you question whether any of the other mugs in this class can last all twelve rounds with the Pac-man.

Another superhero moment this weekend was the premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. This one featured a similarly buff Hugh Jackman in some similarly exciting action, but despite outlasting the measly two-and-a-half-minute Pacquiao-Hatton match by an hour and a half, the movie fell flat on its face.

Granted, prequels often struggle to match the excitement of the originals... take Star Wars, for instance... you know Anakin Skywalker = Darth Vader... and neither he nor Obi-Wan Kenobi are ever in any real danger of dying or being horribly disfigured over the course of Star Wars I-III... oh... Anakin is, but you know how horribly disfigured he's going to be... so any time he gets a limb lopped off, your only reaction is: "Oh, so that's how that happened..."

With Wolverine, we know from the first three movies that his skeleton has been implanted with an indestructible metal, he's lost his memory, and that he's really got it in for this guy called Stryker. Oh, and he hates Sabretooth. Thus, we know that none of the three are likely to die, Wolverine will suffer one of the most excrutiating bondage and torture scenes in cinema, and he will forget absolutely everything that happens here... although how everyone else from the other three movies who plays a part here forgets him is an even bigger mystery.

The movie starts out in grand fashion, showing the origin of Sabretooth and Wolverine, segueing to a montage of their lives over the past century, fighting in every military action engaged in by the United States... strange, I thought they were Canadian... Too bad they left out Captain America during the World War Two sequence... leading up to their recruitment by Stryker for a special ops team, which Wolverine, here, still called "James", then quits in disgust over all the killing. Strange, he didn't have a problem with that part before.

This leads to a romantic interlude with a schoolmarm up in the Canadian wilderness. Now, this may be a bit spoiler-ish, but obviously, Wolverine doesn't have this girl, anymore, which means that she is either going to die, or going to betray him, because for all his traipsing around the world afterwards, she never shows up again (at least, in the movies). So we get exactly what we expect, a bloody betrayal, a revenge plot and the creation of the iconic Wolverine.

And this is where the plot collapses in a mess of Machiavellian manipulation, wasted cameos and sillier-than-comic book logic. The fights are pretty enough, but the computer graphics are glaringly bad, at times... most notably when our hero has his metal claws out, which is most of the movie. Patrick Stewart's brief cameo has him looking so face-liftingly tight that I wondered, at first, if he was another figment of the computer's imagination. The attempts to tie this flick into the current movie mythology while staying reasonably true to the comic book mythology seem strained. Especially woeful is the introduction of Wolverine's classic jacket and motorbike-look, neither of which he has (nor remembers having) at the end.

While Hugh Jackman's half-naked physique is arguably more impressive than Pacquiao's, and his patented muttonchops are certainly the better hair arrangement, not even his muscular buttocks (lovingly showcased in the first half of the movie) can save this film from its ultimate mediocrity. "Wolverine" is too poorly scripted, too poorly paced and too cliched. The best movies are like a good boxing match, there's drama, tension, and a sense that you don't really know what's coming next, but you know that it's going to be good. In fact, even if you know who's going to win, eventually, the fight itself will be a nail-biter.

But all that I was biting was my tounge... to distract me from the distinct pain of watching the cinema destroy one of the more interesting comic book characters so thoroughly that not even his mutant healing factor can save this flick.

Not as thoroughly as Pacquiao destroyed Hatton though. While Wolverine woke up and walked away before the credits started rolling, Ricky Hatton, much wiser than the be-clawed Canuck, decided to sleep them out.

Pac-Man 1 : Mutants 0

Hyundai i10 Review now up!

Hyundai i10 review now up!

Nice little car. but a little bippity in the suspension department.

In fact, a lot of new cars are this way. The only Honda of late that I've driven that didn't have a spleen crushing ride is the new Accord. Jazz/Fit? Stiff as a board. Civic? Stiff as a rail. CR-V? Don't even ask.

BMWs? Run-flats and the need to corner with supernatural poise means that a 3-series will shake your fillings out on a gravel driveway.

That's why the Corolla was such a pleasant change. Didn't handle worth crap, but rode beautifully.

It's nice to see that one manufacturer has their priorities straight. Still wouldn't buy one, though.

Gran Turismo Blues

My life, of late, has been utterly boring. A tight schedule, a lack of media test units and a car waiting for a replacement gear synchro have left me twiddling my thumbs at home doing nothing but watching paint dry and my daughter's favorite song and dance routines. Thankfully, I have a brand new PS3 at the house, and, to my wife's eternal disgust, I've actually had some time to bond with it.

My videogame addiction of late has focused on Gran Turismo 5 Prologue. Being a “Prologue” title means that it shows what you may or may not get in the actual Gran Turismo 5, which was supposed to be released 6 years ago (it honestly feels like we've been waiting that long). In other words, it has better graphics than Gran Turismo 4, better driving physics, a handful of cars and races, and a measly five tracks.

Now having a small selection of cars is annoying, and being able to finish all of the game's challenges in a fortnight makes for poor single-player replayability, but for a racing simulator junkie, the limited selection of tracks is the worst crime of all. The wide selection of tracks in Gran Turismo 4 has me spoiled, I'll admit. It was just so much fun to waste endless hours practicing lines on random tracks. On GT5P, you'll become so well acquainted with each track that you could probably drive them blindfolded.

Thus, with the single player experience played out, I went online, curious about the competition in the online races. At first, I was surprised that my incredibly bad internet connection actually worked with online, despite the occassional twitch lag of the other players. Second, I realized that most of those other players drove like they were actually blindfolded.

One day. That's how long I lasted. I'd start from 12th position, fight my way up to 6th, then have some idiot bump me off on the last lap, relegating me to 12th. I'd start from 6th, have someone shove me off in the first corner, fight my way back up to 6th, then get punted off again by someone else. I'd start in 1st, get punted off... fight my way back to first, then get punted off by someone who, in the previous five or six races seemed to be a good, clean driver, just as I was rounding the last corner.

No “ban” buttons. No “report to administrator” function. No “private rooms”. Nothing. It was like being stuck in a boxing ring with a bunch of gibbering monkeys carrying brass knuckles and chains.

When I actually got a fair shot at winning, the loser (the session host) turned off his Playstation and cancelled the race. The bastard.

The next day, I went back to playing solo. Next time I do multiplayer, it'll be in a face-to-face LAN contest. At least there, when you get punted off, you can smash your chair across the other guy's skull. In the meantime, I think I'll practice for quick lap times in my Suzuki Cappuchino.

Corollas

Just put up my Corolla article. Of course, I can't say on a consumer oriented site that I think it's pure merde, because, from an objective point of view, it isn't, but I'm really not feeling this car.

Which is a shame.

Corollas weren't always dull, boring econoboxes. I've never driven one that excited me much to drive, though there were some undoubtedly quick ones (Corollas with 20-valve, high revving 4AGE engines)... but I could respect the fact that they were pretty decent sport compacts. In fact, every time I see an old AE92 on those geeky four-spoked TOM'S rims, I actually stop to admire it, even if I've seen that combination a hundred times before. Corollas, before the jumbo-bodied “Altis” generation, were actually fun cars. The 9th generation “Altis” body may have had better-than-expected handling, but it was about as much fun to drive as a Toyota Hiace. This new one promised a return to the Corolla's sporting ways of old, with a more exciting, sleeker shape:



But even at the launch, just getting in the seat and feeling the suspension gently sag around you, twirling the feather light steering wheel... I'd gotten the feeling that it wasn't going to be all that.

And, surprise, surprise, it wasn't.

Now, I'm not typically anti-Toyota... in fact, I think the MR-S is the bee's knees and the AE111 is on my list of "might buy it on a lark for a secondhand toy" cars... ...but their cars of late have been disappointingly sterile in the fun department. Which is a shame... here's a company that produces great motors... ultra-stiff bodies and cars that are a few hundred pounds lighter than their competitors... they should be fun to drive, but they aren't. Now I don't know if this is part of Toyota's mass-market bias, but I don't see people dumping the Honda brand in droves just because their cars have a little extra zest.

The Corolla seems to be the pinnacle of Toyota's current addiction to novocaine. Everything is soft. The steering. The brakes. The body roll. I can honestly say I'd rather drive a Toyota Previa around the racetrack than the Corolla. At least the Previa has some balls.

And to think, the improvements needed to make the Corolla a decent car are minor. Just a little bit of tightening in the steering... a little less understeer dialled into the suspension, a tiny bit less body roll... but there's scant chance of that happening now, is there? As the Corolla sells awfully well on its own, and given that Toyota went a whole six years without changing a single damn thing on the old one, it's going to be a long wait for a "better" Corolla.

Philippine Car of the Year

Last weekend was fun, but tiring. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, I've got to miss one whole double-header of a weekend. Rats. That's over 30 cars. Oh well... I get to go pick up the Ford from the shop, do the groceries and finally buy new SD cards for all my toys. But the guys left on secretary duty (of which I was supposed to do 1/2) are sore at me. C'est la vie.

Link takes you to the cover article on Kotse.com. What isn't on my cover article is how enthusiastic I am about the new Lancer. Obvious, huh? Sure, the Lancer's interior isn't any richer than the horrible rent-a-car interiors of Evos of years past... but it looks good. And who has time to fondle dashboard plastic when they're having this much fun? Many North American reviews have really hammered on the Lancer... somewhat unfairly, I think... but they get really wimpy trim levels saddled with tiny wheel fitment and tires that don't do the chassis justice. With the large 18" wheels (which, by the way, feel perfectly controlled by the suspension), our local Lancer kicks butt. Oh, and it's huge inside, too. This is one compact that feels categorically better than the Lynx/Protege in all ways. (The Mazda3 is too soft, the Focus too heavy, and the Civic too inert in the rear suspension). Okay, so the steering's electric. So's almost everything else on the market except for the trucks and the penalty-box Alto. Good bet for class winner, and possible contender overall.

The Focus TDCi... now here's an interesting car. As compared to the Lancer and the Subaru Impreza on hand, it's not the grippiest car here, but the same basic Focus goodness is there, the keen balance, the predictable handling... now matched to a Dual Sequential Gearbox (DSG) that gives incredibly snappy and seamless shifts. Selling this car on Goodyear Eagly NCT5s makes about as much sense as selling an Everest with 15" steelies shod in the same tires. C'mon, Ford, give this car some real tires.

Another contender for the overall crown is the Honda Accord. Too bad it's saddled with Michelin Energy Eco-tires. Terrible. This car deserves Conti-Sport Contacts, at the very least... the Michelins don't have the ability to control a car this fast, and a bout of hard driving may end in tears for some hapless owner. Oh, and the suspension is soft, too, but underneath that softness is excellent body-control and suspension geometry... An Accord Sport would be terrific, but as it is, the Mazda6 and Subaru Legacy are much sportier handlers, if quite a bit slower in a straight line than the mighty 3.5 V6 Accord.

Oh, and not mentioned in the article is the absolute love I have for the Kia Picanto. It's borderline psychotic, really. I haven't adored a small car this much since the original Beetle... and the Beetle wasn't nearly this much fun to drive, or this useful.

Another one from the Chery Picker

Oh, before I forget... I've finally started uploading articles again.

This one was an interesting little car, the Chery QQ. Not quite the pick of the bunch as far as superminis go, but this one is pretty decent for the price point (which is ridiculously low... under $10,000). Gutsy engine, light weight... too bad the rest of the package is so bland.

Seeing as how Korean cars are now like Japanese cars with a different nameplate, it'll be interesting to see if Chinese cars can become just like Korean cars used to be... hopefully at the same low price point they're at now.

PCOTY Testing starts!

The Philippine Car of They Year testing has just started, and I'm tickled pink to be part of it, even in a limited capacity.

One round of testing has already finished. Unfortunately, it's the round that includes most of the interesting cars this year, the new Honda Jazz/Fit and the Hyundai i10. While I've expressed disappointment at the i10 versus the Getz that preceded it (the Getz is one segment higher, but due to price increases, the i10's introductory price is similar), but feedback from the test indicates it's actually a very swell car.

Oh well... more V-Box and drag-testing time for me this weekend. Pics to follow.

Rain Rain Go Away... again.

Dropped off the Lynx for final programming at Speedlab. No alcohol nozzles yet for the Crosswind, but I'm hopeful.

Can't wait to start testing with the LPG. So far, I seem to be getting somewhere between 7-9 km/l (yeah, reaaaally accurate... LPG fuel gauges suck)... but I think a more definitive test will be a trip to Baguio.

In the meantime, it's time to spruce up everything and make our vehicles liveable for the next few months. We had a Merc B-Class for road-testing, but I passed... just not interested. Besides... had something more interesting to test over the past two weeks. Stay tuned.

Elpiji!!!

Okay, while most people will install a mod and call it a day, I'm the type of person who will install it... fiddle with it... break it or find some niggling problem... work on it... and fiddle some more until I get it right. In this case, LPG. Now, while most people would be happy to have their car running on LPG, I can't stand the fact that you lose a significant amount of horsepower with LPG.

So, thanks to Ferman Lao at Speedlab, the Lynx has not only been installed with a Sequential Gas Injection kit... it's been tuned to make nearly exactly the same horsepower on LPG as it does on gasoline.

Now most FS-DE owners (Ford Lynx and Mazda Familia/Protege alike) would be happy with 144 whp... but I was hoping for a bit more... still, I make more power than the other non-turbo guys in the club... on a fuel that makes 10% less power as standard. I'm tickled. But if anyone mentions the 240 whp that the turbo guy who just finished at Speedlab is making, I'll kick them in the nuts.

Of course... as with all things I do with the car, this has had its problems... turns out my ECU and O2 sensors are having a hard time adapting to having the car in two different states of tune, especially since they're already strained to the limit in adapting to the big camshafts stuck in the motor.

See... big camshafts with big overlap make for poor airflow at idle... which means a lumpy idle. And once the idle is lumpy, the air going past the O2 sensor is too slow to register... which makes the computer reluctant to give the engine any more gas. This is even worse with LPG, which reads slightly differently on the O2 sensor, especially since we tuned it slightly rich for more power. So the car doesn't idle. Not on LPG, not on gasoline... nothing.

Complicated problem... simple solution. We unplug the O2 sensor and everything's back to normal. I can finally drive my precious baby. Now all we have to do is fine-tune those LPG maps and see if it can't hit 150 whp.

I can dream, can't I?

A short blast with the BMW 320i and the Hyundai Genesis Article, too...

Oh, by the way, our Genesis article is up... sadly... that was a very short test (don't know if you can call a drive of less than ten kilometers a "test")... sadly because it was an interesting car... lots of power, good suspension (great for a Korean...) and lots of toys... but my last test, a BMW X6, which should go up next week... was even shorter in terms of kilometers driven... but in terms of how much driving we were allowed to do, it was a world of difference.

The Genesis is an absolute revelation for a Korean car. The quality, the build and the technology (brand new chassis, suspension, etcetera...) and the confidence are something you would never expect... even if you're familiar with the new and improved Hyundai models already roaming our streets. even better, Kelley Blue Book and other authorities are giving it a big thumbs-up. This looks like it'll be a home-run for Hyundai... if the public is willing to give it a chance. Still, it's no BMW... it's just nowhere near as good a driver's car as the BMW 5-series... or even the X6.

Of course, this entry isn't about either car. It's about the car we took up north to the test and that I drove back down to Manila. The BMW 320i.

Lito German, the ever-loving Marketing guy from BMW, set us up with various BMW models to take to the X6 test up on the racetrack at Subic. Brent Co (of http://www.autoindustriya.com ) and I drove up in the middle of the night in blinding rain at a steady 120-140 km/h. The car felt utterly stable, but I wasn't so sure of the speeds Brent was driving at. Of course, being a sigurista... I called dibs on the driver's seat for the drive back.

And you know what? I can understand how he got up to those speeds... the 320i is not just stable... it's very stable. And, as most European cars are, it's build with highway legs like Claudia Schiffer... they go on and on and on... I was doing a lazy 160 km/h at just 3000 rpms in 6th gear on the SCTEX on the way home... Brent, my wife and my kid sleeping like babies. Impressive. My Japanese motor might accelerate faster, but I wish it were this quiet at just 100 km/h. The 6-speed automatic and perfect drivin position made long-distance motoring absolutely relaxing.

Despite not having the new BMW Navigation system, the trip was uneventful and easy. The SCTEX has really cut time off of the Manila to Subic trip. While our trip to Subic was beset by flash floods on EDSA and torrential rain, the trip home was mostly dry with a smattering of light drizzle. It took us just two hours to leg it back to Manila, despite catching rush hour traffic around Quezon Avenue and slowing to 120 km/h every time I thought I saw a patrol vehicle on the side of the road.

And the 320i impressed on the racetrack, too. Handled very well, punched out of corners easily, and slithered through slaloms and chicanes with ease. Great composure. There's some push when you exceed the tire's limits, but then, that's easy to cure. In fact, I'd say this feels more organic than the MX-5 we drove a while back... and less buzzy, strangely.

Great seats, nice interior, decent space... this car ticks all the right boxes. While this variant may not have all the bells and whistles, I don't really mind... I like my cars simple. And while the steering may not have the "right-now" handling immediacy of the C-Class we tested a while back, the chassis balance and steering feel are still leagues better.

The only niggles with the 320i are the side mirrors, whose concave wingtips can give you headaches, and the run-flats, which make the ride over gravel parking lots and broken pavement terrible. Otherwise, I could imagine living with one of these cars for the rest of my life.

Only, make mine a manual.